Great feedback is specific, in the moment, direct, succinct, open, honest and given with love. A dear friend once asked me, 'Annie, do you care enough about me to give me feedback?' Wow! Was that a head turner for me! And in that moment it gave me a completely different perspective on the purpose and intent behind feedback.
An important qualification for feedback is that it should always be directed at somebody's behaviour and care must be taken to focus on what and how something has been done and avoid at all times focusing feedback at somebody's level of identity. A very good qualification of this, which most people can relate to, is when a parent talks to their child and takes care to say, "that was a naughty thing to do", rather than "you are a naughty boy".
The giving of feedback is very often where all the attention is focused. I'd also like to stress the importance of how you receive feedback. I believe that if we thank people for feedback and receive it graciously, this will do more to increase the frequency with which feedback is given.
It is because feedback is not generally well received that people tend to fear or shy away from giving feedback. Of course what you choose to do with the feedback once you have thanked somebody and accepted it is entirely up to you. I was once told a lovely little story about how to receive feedback; feedback is like the pair of socks, hand-knitted jumper or scarf that your mother gives you at Christmas. You probably don't want it; however, you accept it. This made me laugh and to this day I appreciate the time that somebody takes to give me feedback and graciously accept it whether it fits or not.
I would extend the analogy of the knitted jumper and ask you to recall the film Bridget Jones' Diary. Here Colin Firth is regularly given a hand-knitted jumper for Christmas from his mother. The one in the film had a particularly larger than life reindeer knitted on the front with a great big red nose. Now Colin Firth in the film chose to wear the jumper, I maintain that it would be of course your choice as to whether you wear it or keep it in the bottom drawer.
Interestingly for me, I very often find that feedback which makes me want to confine it to the bottom drawer forever out of sight, very often is actually that feedback that I do most need to hear and really need to embrace. When I have the courage to do this, I look back and see an exponential growth in my self-development and awareness because I have taken the time to embrace something that may be uncomfortable. It may tell me what I don't want to hear; however, it is what I already know. In fact, the desire with which I want to push the feedback away is usually directly related to the benefit that it will serve me.
Feedback is and should always be operated as a two-way process. This skill alone, if operated consistently and competently, transforms both people and businesses; it is a gift to both receive and give.
Annie Richardson is managing director at Quantum Corporate Coaching
